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Originally sent on February 11, 2023
Hi Barb,
Curious listening matters. Here's my story: It was a gray winter day in late February. Trudging from my college dorm toward the dining hall, I watched the hazy sun slip behind the bluffs west of campus.
I thought to myself, "I wonder if this is the last time I'll ever see the sunset."
I was tired. Tired of being tired. Tired of everything: the heaps of dirty snow, the smell of greasy dorm food, the stacks of homework, and especially that song my next-door dorm neighbor was so fond of.
In the cafeteria, I bumped into someone I didn't know well. He asked "How ARE you, Barb?" He asked inviting questions. As he listened, his hazel eyes twinkled at times and nodding made his thick frizzy red hair bob.
His curious questions made me reconsider my depressed thoughts. I felt heard and I knew I mattered.
I made it to the next sunset. Such is the power of curious listening.
So let me ask: How ARE you? What matters to you right now? I'm curious! Schedule a time to talk with me. I'm not a counselor, but I can listen and ask curious questions.
Warmly,
Barb Bickford
PS -- Read more about listening and curiosity in my latest blog post and in the Pro-Tip, below.
Creating Robust Questions
Experiment with crafting curious, generative, appreciative and paradoxical questions during this short online workshop I'm leading on March 8th.
You'll also experience Liberating Structures, those seriously fun activities that invite all participants to shape the outcome. Learn more and register. There's no cost for these events.
Transitions and New Beginnings workshop / retreat
If you are curious about the meaning of transitions in your life or just need a break from winter, this retreat is for you! During this in-person workshop / retreat, we'll explore transitions by using art (no skill required!), gentle movement, conversation and more.
Give yourself the gift of a weekend away. Join us for a restful transformative weekend at St. Anthony's Spirituality Center near Wausau, Wisconsin (2 to 3 hours from the twin cities metro area of MN or from Madison or Milwaukee, WI). Comfortable overnight rooms, six meals and all supplies are included. Join us on March 3-5, 2023. Learn more and register here.
Help! We Need a Plan!
Do you know of an organization that needs a quick strategic plan? I can help them draft the essential elements of a strategic plan in less time than they might expect. Just reply to this email and let me know if you know of anyone who might be interested in a plan for their group or for members of an association. I appreciate referrals!
Recent Blog posts
-- Listening Skills Are Rooted in Curiosity
-- The Why, How and What of Planning
-- Liberating Structures are for Everyone, not just for Liberals (updated)
My current workshops and courses
Listen for what matters to them
This tip comes from a podcast interview of journalist Amanda Ripley, author of the book High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out.
Amanda says that, as a journalist, her whole job now is "to get people to be curious about things they're not curious about, but maybe should be."
She starts with herself. She asks herself to listen for what is most important to the person she's listening to. She tries to distill it down to a sentence. Then she shares her understanding with the person and asks "Is that right?" Whether her guess is right or not, the other person feels heard and knows that she was listening. They can then iterate toward understanding.
Amanda admits that mastering listening for the other person's perspective requires a lot of practice. I have found that to be true myself, and practice this in low-stakes conversations whenever I can. Yeah, sometimes I miss the mark, but that's how I learn.
Give this tip a try and let me know how it goes!
"People can tell when you’re really listening.
And it’s usually — not always — based on what you say next.”
-- Amanda Ripley
Want more tips? Access Ten Tips to Foster Online Engagement.
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