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Hi Barb, 

One of my mentors believed something about me for 47 years because I didn’t speak up.

Back then, in grad school, I was struggling with imposter syndrome and considered quitting my program.  

I shared that with a mentor “Anita,” (all names are pseudonyms). Anita brought up the example of Cassandra, who had left science to pursue religious studies. It turns out I knew Cassandra, admired her and said so.

Anita concluded that I shared Cassandra’s convictions, so she strongly suggested that I decide “stay or go” soon. That way, if I did leave, my grad school advisor could bring another "more committed" student into the research group.

I wondered, “Should I tell Anita that I don't share Cassandra's beliefs?” But I was afraid to disagree with a mentor, so I said nothing. And I stayed in grad school.

Recently, I had lunch with Anita and she brought up my supposed religious beliefs. 

Thankfully, since grad school, I’ve learned some social skills and recognize that between telling “all” and saying “nothing” are other choices.

So I said kindly, “I can see why you might think that because I was friends with Cassandra. But I didn’t share her beliefs. I wanted to be a geologist.”

And then, because I had noticed that Anita’s listening skills had improved, I decided to share more. Anita listened carefully, nodded and understood.  

How much would you tell a boss or a mentor?

Early-career scientists often wonder how much of their personal life to share with an advisor or supervisor.

And experienced scientists, bosses and mentors shape how safe it feels for someone to share personal details, sometimes without realizing it.

What do you think? How much would you (or would not) tell a boss or a mentor? 

Please reply to this email. Your reply stays between you and me, and no one else sees it. I’ll respond within a day or two. What you tell me will help me decide what to offer next.

Warmly,

Geologic Networking Online

Join geologists for relaxed conversation and new connections on Tuesday, October 20, at 3:00 PM Central. The American Institute of Professional Geologists (AIPG) offers these free networking sessions. They are open to any geologist (student, working, or retired). Register here.

Geoscientists’ Voices

The podcast Geoscientists’ Voices recently featured me and Dr. Mark Myers, past director of the U.S. Geological Survey, respectively.

In my episode, “Beyond Technical Data: How Facilitation and Networking Transform Geosciences,” I talk about the people side of geoscience work. Listen to my episode.

Dr. Myers discusses “Defending Science, Geologic Hydrogen & Surviving the Arctic.” Listen to the episode with Dr. Mark Myers.

WISCIENCE Fellows Programs

If you are a STEM graduate student or postdoc at UW–Madison, WISCIENCE offers three year-long Fellows Programs in teaching and community engagement. Applications close Sunday, October 25, at 11:59 PM, and drop-in Zoom info sessions run October 16, 19, and 21. Learn more.

Related Blog posts

Which human skills help people succeed at work? Read this post by Darin Eich The five human skill areas for thriving in the future of work. 

Try a Small Experiment in Trust

Don't know how much to share with a mentor, advisor or boss? Try a small experiment before sharing something that feels risky.

Pick a low-stakes detail, such as a challenge on a recent project, and share it with them. Then watch what happens:

• Does the person listen without interrupting?
• Does the person ask a follow-up question?
• Does the person treat what you said with care?

Each answer shows you how much more you might share next.

And if you are the mentor or a person with greater age or authority, the same experiment works in reverse. Notice how you respond when someone tells you something small. How you listen builds trust – or not.

Read previous newsletters in the Newsletter Archive. 

Want more tips? Write back with your question(s) and I’ll post a tip in response. I won’t use your name and I’ll change any identifying details.

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Photo Credit: Valerii Honcharuk on Canva Pro